is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
