She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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