my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
