i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
