Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
