Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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