Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
