i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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