Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
