god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
