i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
