i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
