Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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