He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
