You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
