were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
