omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
