Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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