I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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