insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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