She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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