dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
