:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
