So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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