i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
