I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
