do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
