how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
