i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
