You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
