my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you win again, gameday.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
