Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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