if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
