So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
