Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I touched a dick in church today
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
