Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
