ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
