just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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