Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
