Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
