I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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