We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
