I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
