Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
