I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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