Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
