Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
