There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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