i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
