There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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