I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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