i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
