Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
