ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
