At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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