I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
